Reciprocal Disrespect

 The fact that I respect you doesn't mean you should disrespect me.

Janus-Faced Politicians And The Rest Of Us

 ‘Tis the season of cross carpeting, when politicians migrate from the opposition PDP party to the ruling APC party.

The average Nigerian politician is an embodiment of these two major political parties. He has long asserted his right to move freely between the two. Thus, he feels at home in either; and his motives are beyond reproach.

Which means, he could represent PDP to me and at the same time represent APC to you ‘behind my back’ with the eventuality of setting us on a collision course.

Obey-The-Wind-TV

 Obey-the-wind-TV

Those who grew up in Lagos in the 50s and 60s should remember a type of inferior fabric for trousers called “Obey the wind”  or “ota Marina “ (i.e, not Marina Quayside friendly).  As a young man, if you wore trousers that were not made of quality fabric like Terylene (Dacron) or pure 100% wool that could stand the test of time, you were challenged by your mates to show up in them in Marina Quayside “catwalk “. If your trousers billowed and fluttered excessively in the Marina breeze, then they were declared inferior and you along with it.

In the same 50s and 60s, you could count on the fingers of one hand how many families owned TV sets. In those days, the ceremony of sparking the TV to life every night is akin to igniting the Olympic torch several months before the event and relaying it over thousands of miles to hundreds of places around the world before ending up on the day of the ceremony at the cauldron where the final bearer uses the torch to start the flame in the arena. Yes, that was about how long you had to wait for the TV to warm up. That was the best technology could offer then.

Nowadays, with advanced technology, nobody has to go through that tortuous route to switch on the TV, …errr….except in Nigeria!  For instance, if you switch on the DSTV, you can go and make a cup of tea and come back and still wait a few minutes before the scanning comes to an end and you are allowed to watch TV. And if it rains or it is windy, you can go and do something else because DSTV is bound to hold services in abeyance until the rainstorm subsides. That’s what you get with obsolete technology. That’s what we are getting now. You make monthly payments for services that should be pay-as-you-go. Shame!

Sadly, eleven years after this cartoon, nothing has really changed. Oh, except the cost of your monthly subscription. The package you paid N4,800 for then, is N19,000 today!

Lost In Translation

 

Deconstructing Mr Bombastic At Easter

It all started with this innocuous Easter Message…

“As we join Christians in the celebration of Easter, may we truly reflect on the quintessential modus vivendi of Master Jesus; The Christ, who peregrinated this incarnation as an exempli gratia of self abnegation, puritanical excrescence, spartan discipline, mental magnitude, hierophantic candour and altruistic effusions, qualities which have become a desiderata for national resurgimento.

“Beyond the fugacious razzmatazz of the moment, I seriously call attention to the rutilanting and coruscating modus vivendi of Master Jesus the Christ and I dare pontificate that save and until we viscerally emblematize the virtues of self-immolation, quintessential abnegation, eulogizeable simplicity, Christ-like humility and immerse ourselves in a platonic emotionalism of agape love and communalistic service, we would have woefully failed in learning and imbibing the true meaning of EASTER.

We must elevate this moment from a proscenium of joie de vivre into one of meditative transcendentalism”. HAPPY EASTER.

- Patrick Obahiagbon

Trump Card

Thanks to the American example, endangered African dictators can now breathe easy.

Don't Call Us, We'll Call You

Looking back at that day seven months ago when a guilt-ridden ex-governor went to knock on the door of an anti-corruption agency to induce his  own arrest…

As the agency wasn’t in the mood to be guilt-tripped into making an arrest it wasn’t ready to make, the August (actually, September) visitor’s request was politely declined and he was promptly sent on his way.

 

A Time To Wait And A Time To Swing Into Action

 

They Neatly Got Away With It

 

Who's To Blame?